Quaintly Unpretentious Conversations 7: The Demonic Bra

I threw open the bathroom door and started screaming bloody murder for my daughter, “Lillian! Lillian!”

She shouted back at me, “What is it mama? I’m eating.”

I shouted back, “Lily, you get in here right now.”

She ran to the bathroom door and said, “What’s wrong?

I replied completely flustered and aggravated, “Lillian, this bra is definitely not a 40D, it’s got to be either 36 or 38. My boobs have just been murdered by this horrible bra. Oh my God, and it even says 40D. Here, you can have it now, it’s definitely closer to your size.”

She looked at me and said, “Are you sure?”

I said, “Yes, I’m absolutely sure, my boobs felt like they were being tortured.”

So, I wrestled on one of my bras that I knew without a doubt fit me just fine, and I decided to measure the demonic medieval torture device that had crept into my collection; and sure enough it was a 36C. I haven’t wore that size since long before my children were born.

I’m quite sure there are some men out there that thinks this whole episode of my life is just ridiculous, and that’s fine; but I do dare you to buy a pair underwear that grips your balls in a vice before leaving some silly comment that is quite irrelevant. ©

Karen L. Fleming, Written: 8.18.13

Quaintly Unpretentious Conversations 6: The Banana Soap

Elaine sent me some wonderful soaps and candles from Brazil at the end of last year, and the girls asked me if they could have some; so, I told them, "Yes, you can have one each."

Brianna stomped out of the bathroom soaking wet, dripping water all over the hardwood floors.  She leaned abruptly onto the evil black couch of endless laundry and in a huff with extreme discontent she said, "Mom, I'm out of my banana soap."

I looked at her and said, "Honey, just use the other soap."

She stared at me in disbelief raising her voice just a bit and said, "No!"

I replied a bit shocked, "Brianna what in the world do you expect me to do? Get on a plane and go to Brazil just to get you some banana soap?"

She looked at me very seriously and said, "Yes!"

She then turned to her right and marched directly back into my bathroom and slammed the door.

Now most people would think Brianna was being a bit bratty, but as soon as I heard the door slam shut I started laughing hysterically.

It’s quite obvious to me now, I gave birth to two little princesses that expect the best at all times; and honestly, to expect less in a person’s life is simply absurd unless of course that’s what a person truly wants. ;) © 

Karen L. Fleming

Originally written: 3:45 p.m. Est., 1.21.13

Synthesize Our Axiom

Truth descends

On deaf ears at times

I could have screamed

Bloody murder

In your awaiting ear drums

And still somehow

You wouldn’t have heard me

                                   

It seems

Your notions of reality

Sway so far from mine

Holding on for years

At a time I have

You thought

All burdens rested

Solely on your shoulders

Alone; hence,

Yet, wrong again you are

Those chess pieces

Clumsily you arrange

Kings and Queens

My heart shattered

Evoking a tidal wave

Composed

Of cosmic gamma rays

Heard throughout

The infinite multiverse

A trusted ambassador

Informed me

When she visited

Tears fell as oceans

Even in densest dominions

Imperium

A useless commerce of destruction

This symphony

You allege to know so well

Was composed as a union

Within in the confines

Of love’s pure embrace

Never to be shaken

Indestructible

And incomprehensible

To anyone beyond

Infinity’s perfected

Geometric configuration

From the very moment

The first universe

Gasped for the new brewed oxygen

We were and always have been ©

Karen L. Fleming, Brilliance Rains 

You can now purchase my previous poetry book Through the Silent Caldera at a discounted price on Amazon. Enjoy. http://www.amazon.com/dp/1470058731/